Update

On May 28th, I made a whole post about the pain I suffer from everyday. I had high hopes I could lose weight and feel better. But sadly I found myself standing on the scale at the doctor's office (Didn't I say I didn't want to go?) today and weighing in at 267 (with shoes, clothes and purse WTH???)

I finally told a doctor about my pain and she heard me. She heard me tell her that my ability to take care of my children has diminished. That my husband is tired of shouldering the financial burden and trying to pick up my slack. That I don't like the person I am when I am in pain (which is most of the time). She poked, prodded and questioned me.

I told her that being in pain makes me want to die. I am not suicidal but I'm pretty fed up with living like this. Because I'm not really living right now. I'm existing and that's not enough. That's not enough to be a good mother, spouse or person.

After I saw the doctor, I silently cried in the waiting room while I waited for the lab tech to come get me to take my blood. Because my doctor, this lady whom I just met today who HEARD me? She says unless something "abnormal" comes up on my blood work, she firmly believes I have Fibromyalgia. And that, that is devastating to me.

I am 27 years old and if I have Fibromyalgia I will live the rest of my life in pain. That is not a life I want to live.

I have not given up yet however and I have a few tricks up my sleeve. I am anxious for Friday to come with it's test results and I'm reading a whole lot.